Ryoji Mochizuki (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lemonscarf) wrote2014-08-10 04:14 pm
lemonscarf) wrote2014-08-10 04:14 pm
Entry tags:
felt it in my fists, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids
OOC
Name: Silvie
Age: 26
Timezone: US Central. I’m at work from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m., although I often stay later on Wednesdays/Thursdays due to deadlines. But I am totally free in the evenings and on the weekends! Fridays are half-days, hooray!
Reserve link: My thirst cannot be contained by these hunger games.
OOC contact: thewondertwit on AIM // mollymojave [at] gmail [dot] com // relares [at] plurk.com
IC
Name: Ryoji Mochizuki
Age: 16 (Physically) 10 (Actually) Ageless Abstract Concept (That Whole Death Thing)
Canon: Persona 3 Portable: Female Route, with the assumption that his Social Link was maxed with the romantic options.
Canon point: Ryoji will believe he comes from December 2, 2009, while he was taking a walk during the Dark Hour to the Moonlight Bridge; he has not yet encountered Aigis. His true canon point is post-canon after he, as the Avatar of Nyx, was sealed away by the protagonist.
Because of his starting canon point, Ryoji will have a false memory (more on that later) that allows him to believe that he is a human being. Part of the process of regaining his memories will be remembering his true nature as a Shadow.
History: Check out his page on the SMT Wiki! You will also find the pages for Pharos and Dark Hour helpful for understanding how he came to exist in the human world.
Character underwear: Warning Trousers: Ryoji’s favorite underwear. These neon yellow boxers can’t possibly be missed in the washing machine. The word “DANGEROUS” is printed in black letters on the backside.
Memories: Ryoji Mochizuki is the human identity of a very powerful Shadow known as Death. After being sealed away, losing its memories, and awakening again, Death chose to appear before its host (the protagonist of Persona 3) under the guise of a mysterious boy: Pharos. Once Pharos became complete and regained his entire memory, he consciously chose to discard his true memories as Death in order to live as the human Ryoji Mochizuki. On January 1, 2010, the existence of Ryoji Mochizuki came to an end: his physical body disappeared into the Dark Hour, in order to facilitate Death's transformation into the Nyx Avatar. All of these identities (Death, Pharos, Ryoji, Nyx Avatar) are all the same Shadow, just in different states of existence.
Due to his perceived canon point, Ryoji hasn't regained his true memories as Death. As such, I would like for a few of his memories to be some of those repressed memories! Until he receives a specific memory, these memories would feel both familiar and alien to him; he won't be able to completely claim them as his own until he understands his true identity. I will mark both the repressed memories and the "trigger" memory.
1. Ten Years Ago, I...: Death's fragmented, violent memories of how it was "born" in the world. After being created in a laboratory at midnight, its presence distorted reality to create the Dark Hour--and almost immediately after, a sudden explosion caused it to break apart into thirteen distinct Shadows. The greatest part that remained wandered aimlessly throughout Tatsumi Port Island, leaving a path of destruction in its wake. Its final memory is of a fight with an Anti-Shadow Suppression Weapon, where it was eventually sealed away in the mind of a nearby suitable vessel. (REPRESSED MEMORY)
2. Midnight Visit: A memory of a particular conversation between Pharos and his host and first friend. It takes place in the protagonist's bedroom, during the Dark Hour. Pharos is both preoccupied by The End, his fledgling emotions, and his changing perception of the world. (REPRESSED MEMORY)
3. True Self: December 2, 2009. During a walk during the Dark Hour, Ryoji encounters Aigis on the Moonlight Bridge. Aigis, a classmate of his who has been suspicious of him since he transferred to Gekkoukan High School, abruptly attacks him. Being attacked by Aigis in the same place where she sealed him away ten years ago acts as a trigger for Ryoji's repressed memories: the true nature of his identity and the truth about the upcoming Fall abruptly and painfully return to him. (TRIGGER MEMORY)
4. Happy New Year: December 31, 2009. After spending a month in isolation, Ryoji returns to the S.E.E.S. dormitory to offer them the chance to kill him, so that the Dark Hour and their memories of it (and him) would disappear--and they could live a few months longer, happy and ignorant of their impending, inevitable deaths. Despite his efforts, the protagonist chooses to let him live--and fight, even if it's hopeless. Before returning to the rest of the group to tell them what they need to do to fight Nyx, Ryoji presents her with a ring and tells her that he loves her. His last words as Ryoji Mochizuki, are: "Best wishes in the coming year."
5. Harbinger of the End: Waiting for the Promised Day to come, Death slowly draws Shadows, large and small, into itself as it transforms into the Nyx Avatar. At this point, it is in a form that can no longer be recognized as human.
6. The Great Seal: January 31, 2010. S.E.E.S. ascends the summit of Tartarus and does battle with the fully transformed Nyx Avatar. Despite fighting valiantly, it's impossible to truly defeat Nyx and the Fall begins. And yet, in the face of an insurmountable, inevitable fate, the protagonist refuses to give up. She fights on, alone--and draws on the strength of the bonds she has made throughout the year to craft the Great Seal, a barrier between Nyx and humanity's subconscious desire for death. After congratulating the protagonist and S.E.E.S for grasping the miracle they fought so hard for, Death... slept.
Regains:
1. Tacky cellphone: Someone decorated this already obnoxiously bright Japanese flip-phone with Phoenix Ranger Featherman R stickers. All of the useless charms and straps attached to it make it really heavy... when powered up, there's no reception, but at least you can admire the cute background photo of a nerd in a scarf and a cute girl smiling broadly as they share some green tea crepes in Kyoto.
2. Faint Glow Ring: A thin, simple ring with no designs or stone set into it. However, holding it in your hand, you feel a weighty sense of fleeting happiness. A ring full of Ryoji’s memories from his time in Iwatodai.
3. Day Planner: When you're dating half the school, it's important not to double-book your weekends. This would be perfect for forgetful playboys, if it weren't totally out of date and written in already.
Contents: Ryoji's name is written on the front page in bubbly characters, with little stars and crescent moons doodled around it. The pages are filled with his plans for taking out various girls from school out on the town. In particular, his dates with the protagonist are surrounded with hearts. However, all of his plans after December 2, 2009, have been neatly crossed out. All of the pages after January 1, 2010, have been gently torn out of the book.
4. Print Club Stickers: A set of photo-stickers printed out from Game Panic’s Print Club game! The couple who played this game got a perfect score. Just by looking at them, you feel a little more charming.
What the photos look like: A bunch of dumb (but super cute) pictures of Ryoji and the protagonist. On the back, there's a small note: "11/13 - First date with Minako-chan ♥! Today, she showed me around Iwatodai. There are a lot of fun games in Game Panic, but this one is my favorite!"
5. Green Tea Crepes: These unusual crepes are green. The color is a little off-putting... oh, but they’re delicious! (Renewable.)
Strengths & weaknesses:
✔ Cheerful: Ryoji has a very bright, sunny personality. He loves to smile--and loves to make other people smile, too. He's lighthearted to the point of being goofy and is easily entertained, from card games on a train to a friend's impressive skill at a crane game. He's someone who can take life's little knocks easily in stride. Even when he's privately unhappy, Ryoji will do his best to smile when he's with other people.
✔ Friendly: Ryoji is the sort of person who can enter a room full of strangers... and come out with several new friends, plus a few dates with cute girls jotted in his dayplanner. He openly seeks out relationships and easily makes friends with people of all walks of life. In the drama CD, when introduced to Some of the protagonist's social links, he gets along with them all-- from a sleazy television salesman to a lonely girl struggling with her parents' impending divorce. He's happiest when he's with others.
✔ Joyful: It's difficult to find someone who loves life and loves people more than Ryoji. He cherishes every moment he spends alive, from the time he spends at school to the outings he has with his his dearest girlfriend. He finds spots of happiness and beauty wherever he goes; for example, on his daily commute to school, Ryoji is fascinated by light glimmering over the ocean. Later, after he understands his true nature as a Shadow, he calls his humanity, his ability to talk and laugh and cry with his friends, a gift from the protagonist.
✔ Sincere: Ryoji says embarrassing things... a lot of embarrassing things. He calls every girl he takes out a princess, says that the world is a dazzling place, and talks about meeting people in their dreams. And he means every dumb word of it. Ryoji isn't someone who lies: he's very open and honest in his intentions. When he says something, he honestly means it. When stuck in the hot springs when it's the girls' turn to go in, his first instinct is to come clean and apologize.
✔/✘ Gentle/Selfless: Although it's Ryoji's role in the Fall to act as the Harbinger, the Herald of Nyx who brings death to human consciousness, the thought of bringing others pain is heartrending to him. Even though it's in his nature to kill, he doesn't want to hurt anyone. Even before he regains his memories, he struggles an instinctive knowledge that his presence in the protagonist's life will cause her to suffer. Ryoji is willing to go to great lengths to spare others pain, often at his own expense. When he offers S.E.E.S. the chance to kill him so their memories of the Dark Hour would disappear, it was because he couldn't stand the thought of his friends suffering with the knowledge of their inevitable deaths.
✔/✘ Emotional: Ryoji wears his squishy, tender heart on the cuff of his sleeve for everyone to see. When he's happy, his entire face lights up; when he's sad, he's easily moved to tears. It's never hard to tell what Ryoji is feeling, because it's written all over his face and voice. Although it's good that he doesn't bottle up his feelings, it can make him easy to manipulate. Ryoji also tends to make emotional decisions, rather than rational ones; if a choice "feels right" to him, that's the decision he'll make.
✔/✘ False Memory: Ryoji's state before he remembers his true nature can best be described as a dissociative fugue: he willingly forgot who he was and where he came from, in order to live as a human being with the person he cared about the most. He has a (flimsy, but rarely questioned) history to fall back on, of living overseas before suddenly transferring back to Iwatodai. Even when Ryoji doubts himself, to the point of wondering what's real and what's not, this dissociation protects him from the truth.
It's not an exaggeration to say that Ryoji is at an impasse with himself: the part of himself that wants to remember who he is struggles against the part of himself that chose to forget who he was in the first place. In his own words: "Memories are ambiguous... Old ones can be replaced with new ones, creating a new reality." Snapping out of this state appears to be physically painful and exhausting for Ryoji; after the incident on the Moonlight Bridge, he passes out and has to rest before he can fully explain himself.
✘ Impulsive/Tactless: Ryoji rarely thinks before he acts, usually choosing to go with his gut when making decisions. He's fearless when it comes to flirting with girls he doesn't know; rejection doesn't bother him or keep him down in the slightest. Most notoriously, he was in cahoots with Junpei for a dumb plan to "mistake" the changeover time from boys to girls in a hot spring. (Don't worry, he gotta super executed with the rest of the boys. That probably won't be happening again.)
✘ Gullible: Ryoji has a grand total of 23 days of human experience under his belt. There's a lot about the world he just doesn't know about, let alone understand. Because he's such an earnest person, he takes most of what people tell him at face value. Ryoji would doubt his own knowledge and experience before someone else's; because he believes in the best of people, it's a simple task to fool or manipulate him.
✘ Melancholy: It's safe to say that when Ryoji is around other people, he's very happy. But on the flip side, he's also someone who is very lonely and unhappy when he's by himself. Isolated from others, without anything else to focus on, his thoughts inevitably center around things he's worried and afraid about. Before he regains his memory, he feels anxious about what might happen the next day; he's painfully afraid that he might hurt his friends, and experiences bouts where he doesn't feel real. After regaining his memory, only faint traces of the usual cheerful and lighthearted remain; he's otherwise a very somber, subdued, and unhappy person.
✘ Fatalist: Ryoji doesn't just believe in fate: with his true memories, he has first-hand knowledge of the destiny of mankind. He believes that every action has a purpose and every meeting has a meaning. Furthermore, he doesn't put value in fighting against what he sees as inevitable. When explaining the Fall to S.E.E.S., he makes it very clear that trying to prevent the Fall by fighting Nyx is pointless.
✘ Inhuman: As a Shadow, there are certain human nuances and social cues that go completely over Ryoji's head. He sometimes has difficulty understanding why humans do what they do. For example, he has absolutely no problem asking out every girl he meets on casual dates, despite having a steady girlfriend. When his best friend, Junpei, is grieving over the death of someone he cared for, Ryoji struggles to understand his friend's feelings. Although he acknowledges Junpei's sadness, he struggles with the "why" Junpei's taking it so badly: to Ryoji, even before he regains his memory, death is the natural end to life and is something that just needs to be accepted. However, he can be taught; he acknowledges that this way of thinking is cold and, afterwards, is more empathetic on the subject.
Skills & abilities: Ryoji is an unusual existence: he is a Shadow a being born from humanity's subconscious thought and emotion. Guided not by reason, but by instinct, Shadows will relentlessly attack humans. Shadows born from strong emotions attract weaker Shadows; in turn, when these Shadows gather, even stronger Shadows are born. When Shadows appear, time and space distorts in the world around them; the stronger the Shadow, the more powerful the distortions.
Even among Shadows, Ryoji is unusual. He was “born” ten years ago when the Kirijo Group, led by Kouetsu Kirijo, collected Shadows in enormous amounts and combined them to create Death: a terrible Shadow who exists to bring about the end of the world via The Fall. The Fall was initially prevented by Eiichiro Takeba, who caused Death to split into thirteen Shadows via an explosion, and Aigis, who sealed the strongest of these Shadows within the mind of a human child. "Ryoji Mochizuki" is what became of that Shadow, after it spent ten years co-existing within the mind of a human and it rejoined with its twelve missing pieces.
Just by existing, Death causes powerful distortions within reality. The most unusual is the Dark Hour, a mysterious 25th hour that occurs at midnight. During the Dark Hour, Shadows are extremely active and all electronics cease to function. Only humans with the “potential” are aware of the Dark Hour and are able to move about in it: all other humans transmogrify into coffins and remain completely ignorant as to what’s going on around them. However, humans with the potential but who are unable to manifest a Persona are vulnerable to attacks from Shadows. A human who has been attacked by and has had their psyche devoured a Shadow will become one of “the Lost”. The Lost suffer from Apathy Syndrome, a state where sufferers experience a severe state of apathy that strips them of their desire to move, speak, or take care of themselves in any way.
During the Dark Hour, Tartarus (also known as the Tower of Demise) forms in the place where Death was first brought into the world. Tartarus is an enormous, mind-boggling labyrinth swarming with Shadows; its zenith is the place where the maternal being, Nyx, will descend upon the world and, with her presence, cause the Fall. It is Ryoji’s nature, as Death, to draw weaker Shadows to himself to transform into the Nyx Avatar. As the Nyx Avatar, Death cannot be defeated and killed; however, it is possible to kill its human aspect of “Ryoji Mochizuki”. However, when Ryoji dies, all memory of the Dark Hour and his existence will disappear.
Although Death’s true form is monstrous, it is able to conceal it by taking on the appearance of a human: first as Pharos, a child who appeared during the Dark Hour to the protagonist, and later as Ryoji Mochizuki. This deception is painfully thorough: originally, even Ryoji was unaware of his own true nature. With the help of a false memory, he honestly believed he was a normal high school student. However, it’s not perfect; Aigis, an anti-Shadow weapon, immediately identified as someone “dangerous”... even if she couldn’t figure out how or why. When Aigis confronted him on the Moonlight Bridge (during the Dark Hour, no less!) and tried to defeat him, she was unable to land a single hit on him.
Obviously, in order to work in a murder game, most of this would have to fall under the blanket power nerf--especially the whole invulnerable and unkillable part. Given the nature of the setting, I'm completely fine with Ryoji being confined in a perfectly murderable human body. But I'd still like to play Ryoji as an inherently inhuman existence. I'm flexible about the particulars, but these are the things I'm most interested in:
‣ If he dies, I would really love if the rest of the cast forgot him. This would only affect human memories, but physical records such as photographs, reports, notes, Monobear's recordings, and the Electric Student Handbook would remain intact.
‣ Ryoji doesn't necessarily need to eat or or sleep, although he certainly likes to.
‣ I'm very interested in using the distortions his physical existence causes as part of any potential murder. Or just as setting flavor! I think the Dark Hour could could be a fun motive, or just something creepy that happens every night at midnight.
SHSL Title: I would like to suggest the titles of SHSL Fortune and SHSL Misfortune for Ryoji. While his false memory is still intact he would be SHSL Fortune, but after his true nature is revealed it would change to SHSL Misfortune.
In P3P, the relationship between Ryoji and the female protagonist is represented by the Arcana of Fortune, which symbolizes fate, luck, and opportunities. Ryoji is someone bound by a very powerful fate as the Harbinger of the Fall; he's also very fortunate to have live as a human, even if it's only for a short whole. However, even more than that, Ryoji is someone whose very existence brings horrible misfortune to the world around him. As long as he is exists, so does the Dark Hour: his existence means the affirmation of the end of human thought and emotion.
Motives: As a general rule, if he's death rolled, I'd prefer for Ryoji to be a victim or an accidental culprit due to reality distorting around him. It'd be difficult to finagle a situation where he intentionally goes out of his way to kill someone, especially if he knew that getting away with the murder would mean that everyone else would die too. I'm willing to do it, but it'd have to be a very particular set circumstances.
Dark Hour: Assuming that the Dark Hour can be brought into play, it could provide a unique motive. There could be a week, preferably during a full moon for thematic reasons, where other guests are attacked by increasingly violent Shadows during the Dark Hour. Those who are attacked suffer from different stages from Apathy Syndrome, which get worse as the week goes on. In order to cure the afflicted students, the Dark Hour would have to be dispelled by Ryoji's death. This could happen either before or after Ryoji himself understands what's going on; however, if he did, he would certainly seek out someone to kill him (or try and kill himself) in order to save his friends.
Minor Distortion: If Ryoji is attacked, the distortions that protected him when Aigis tried to kill him on the Moonlight Bridge could protect him in the same way. For example, if someone comes at him with a knife reality would distort in a way that ends with the attacker being fatally injured by the knife. There are tons of possibilities with this one! I also feel like this scenario would be a good candidate for a close friend trying to cover up the murder for him.
Bring Peace: Ryoji, as a human unaware of his true nature, is a very kind and gentle person. When he's attacked by Aigis, he cringes and cowers; he doesn't make any moves to defend himself. The truth of his identity and the Fall are devastating to him; just telling his friends about it left him in tears. He's someone who loves people, good and bad. He can't stand to watch people, especially his friends, suffer.
However, as Death, he is very aware of how fragile and fleeting human lives are. Even before he regains his memories, Ryoji views death as something inevitable. He's also someone who values a painless death; he offered S.E.E.S the option to kill him and forget about their fate because he didn't want them to suffer.
If a set of circumstances were to arise where his friends were suffering, and life outside of the hotel would bring them nothing but pain, Ryoji could be manipulated into killing them to to spare them from that pain.
Voluntary Victim: Once Ryoji regains memory of his true identity, he would be willing to offer himself as a victim to a close friend. He doesn't just believe he has no place in the human world, he knows he shouldn't be alive. If a friend desperately needed an out, Ryoji would be willing to die for them in the hopes that they could "win" the trial and escape the hotel.
Third Person Sample:
Standing in front of him is a murderer—or, well, someone who was about to become one, a few minutes from now. According to the books, dense medical texts with text so small it gave him headaches, that they’ve read together, as long as the carotid artery or the jugular vein is severed death would happen within a few moments. When Ryoji tries to take a breath, the air doesn’t make it far. It catches in his throat, sticky and full of blood.
It hurts. It’s not like getting the hot, irritating pain of a paper cut, or the stinging pain of stumbling and scraping his knees. No—this is a heavy and jagged pain, a pain that has taken command and distorted the rest of his senses.
His murderer’s lips are moving. Their voice, dull with shock, sounds faint and far away, even though they’re standing right in front of him. “You’re… bleeding. There’s so much blood.”
It’s okay, is what Ryoji wants to say. Everything is going exactly how we planned. But the words don’t come out properly. They get lost somewhere along the way, stuck behind his teeth.
“This was a mistake. I- I’m going to get help—”
He doesn’t have much strength left; already, his vision is darkening. It’s so cold. But it’s enough for him to shake his head, vision swimming, and smile. It’s going to be fine. You’re going home. Everyone is going to rest, now.
He doesn’t mean to close his eyes. It just sort of happens; he blinks, to clear his vision--
And then they don't open.
Plot Involvement
Would you be okay with your character being a mole for Monobear?: Sure, if Monobear wants the least effective mole possible.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTJIjHDVgZg <-- hot spring nonsense...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHMyW7Fr0y8 <-- 12/2 12/3 sad stuff with aigis :(
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqmb9ZXUi7I <-- Fortune Social Link Pt. 1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCcWxbTVwtQ <-- Fortune Social Link Pt. 2
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When the photo of a girl, smiling warmly up at whomever is looking at her photograph, tumbles into his hand, Ryoji freezes in place. He stares at the photograph with mute shock, a look of horror slowly growing across his pale face.]
No. [His voice, plaintive,
No, this-- [Desperately, he pulls out the rest of the file--as if there was a mistake and the photo wouldn't match the rest of it. His eyes frantically scan the document back and forth--(Name: Minako Arisato)--reading, but unable to make sense of it all--(Location of death: Iwatodai Dormitory (S.E.E.S.), Third Floor, Personal Room)--as none of it fits, it can't possibly be real--(Estimated Time of Death: 7:41 AM March 6, 2010)--because, the last time he saw her--]
She wasn't sick. [But even as he says it, his voice seems small and .]
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To Wario, I'd like to tell him that his stories weren't so bad. During those first few weeks when we had nowhere to go and nothing to do, they were fun to read. Do you remember that document we all wrote in? That was so much fun! You couldn't go an hour without checking on it.
I'd want to talk to Rufioh about a lot of things. I want to know more about his world and his friends. I... just want him to know that, since he's been gone, we haven't forgotten him.
Harvey... he took really good care of us. I want to thank him for that. I want him to know how important that was for us.
Kureha should know that, no matter what she is, we'd still like her. [If this group can accept Ghouls and Shadows, they'd probably be fine with a bear.]
I want to thank Ulysses for doing his best to protect us.
Maya... [This is the point where it gets a little hard. He misses Maya very much.] I want to take her dancing, again. I want to tell her dumb jokes to make her laugh. I want to let her know that I never minded when she swiped food from my plate.
I'd like to tell Kayneth that he doesn't have to take everything on by himself. That it's okay for him to rely on others.
I'd like to go with Tucker, put our heads together, and come up with a dozen compliments for everybody. Ah! And I'd want to tell him that his son's very cute.
I'd want to sit with Duster and... listen to him. Understand his troubles. Learn more about Tazmily. He listened a lot to me, so I'd like to give him the chance to talk about anything he'd like.
I didn't know Wash very well, so I'd want to change that. I'm not very good at running, or lifting weights, but I'd like to try training with him.
Melody-chan... [Ah. This one's very difficult.] ... I'd want to tell her that miracles do happen. That fate can be changed. We talked about that a lot.
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One sentence summary: Ryoji seriously wishes he could feel physical exhaustion, because wow is he emotionally exhausted, and he kind of just wants to sleep for a really, really long time.
(For the record he *can* sleep, it’s just really hard for him because he never feels tired. He can sleep when he’s with other people, because it’s physically and emotionally comforting but even then it’s only a few hours.
… which is why when it comes to sleeping in groups, he will always try to stick to one edge of the pile!
Because he is inevitably the asshole who’s up at 3 a.m. quietly crocheting or playing a game because whoops he. Can’t get back to sleep…
At least he’s good company for anybody who wakes up in the middle of the night from bad dreams?? He is there, friends, please come have cocoa with him he is a painfully lonely person who craves human contact.)
He doesn’t physically feel tired but, emotionally, he feels very… worn thin? He’s naturally a very emotional person, so his feelings have been this really pronounced and nasty loop of:
Flat-out **horror** at the situation. Murder games: horrible! Murder of people he’s living with and cares about: even more horrible! EXPIERMENTAL BRAIN SURGERY ON CHILDREN: *absolutely fucking horrifying*.
Even before he got his memories about being a Shadow back, he would have these niggling, invasive thoughts of “holy shit humans can be really terrible and cruel to each other and I do not understand any of it”.
An example of that would be what Kureha ended up doing with Harvey’s body, because oh my god that really screwed with him.
He accepts that it was an accident that happened because she was scared. It’s what happened… after that stuck with him for a long while. And still sticks with him!
Because she dragged his body alllll the way from the stairwell, shoved him behind the front desk, waited for the morning announcements and then stuffed him in an ice machine.
*Stuffed him into the ice machine*.
That really screwed him up because he couldn’t wrap his mind around how awful that was! That she dragged his body that far! And then, when he was cold and stiff, dragged him some more and *shoved him into the ice machine*.
**Grief**. So, so much grief, good god. Every week, at least two people who he knew and lived with and at the very least liked died for a bunch of really terrible reasons and in really terrible ways.
He didn’t see a lot of the bodies, outside of the executions. Just Maya’s and Wash’s! He… kind of made a point of not hunting for them on Friday because he knew he didn’t want to look at them.
He just could not cope with that, not because he can’t handle violent scenes (I will get into this a bit later) but more because it’s… emotionally it was just really devastating to physically see these people dead.
Being **afraid** of himself and his own memories. When Ryoji first woke up in the murder-hotel, he still had two feet firmly planted in his “I’m a totally normal human!!” delusion.
He spent the first three weeks just flat-out denying that the memories were memories. They were nightmares and bad dreams, but they weren’t “his” memories.
His false memory is why he didn’t open his first motive envelope! (Which were pictures of himself as the Nyx Avatar, by the by.)
http://i.imgur.com/OHKCSGe.gif http://i.imgur.com/RK571S6.gif http://i.imgur.com/n9uQ3rn.gif http://i.imgur.com/7d1a5xT.gif
Which, since I don’t have any of the really horrifying fanart on hand, I will demonstrate with this gifs! Because it’s really hard to get a scope of how enormous and freaky that thing is.
The first three weeks were a mess of wanting really desperately to be okay, despite all of the awful and frightening things going on around him. To have friends and family and someone who he loves to go back to.
AND THEN MAYA DIED AND ON THE FOLLOWING MONDAY HE REMEMBERED HE WAS LITERALLY DEATH \o/
From week five until… his final memory point in the last week? … yeah, up until that point he was certain that he was here because the Fall had already happened and there was nothing for him to go back to.
It wasn’t that he thought his world might be gone, he just accepted it as fact that it was gone. Because he had brought an end to everything, because that’s just what he *is*.
That really fucked with him, because even then, he wanted so badly to support everyone else because good god everyone was sort of systematically falling to pieces and he had no idea how to deal with it.
But it was really painful and hard for him to say things like “things are going to be okay” and “we’re going to get out of here and go home”.
Those… were the big three destructive feelings (horror, grief, being afraid of himself) and those three just kept cycling, over and over, and he is just worn out on all of it.
Especially because he… essentially ended up in a role where “okay, this is messing me up, but it’s messing my friends up more and I need to be there for him” where he’d often end up putting his own feelings
… and now he is going on a Pokemon adventure with the rest of the teenage poly group and oh god he is *really looking forward* to diving head first into…
Escapism?? Focusing on things that aren’t a murder game?? Oh my god there is a place where he is allowed to exist and carve out some happiness for himself with people he adores he could actually sincerely cry about this.
Re: survivors
Ryoji *fiercely* cares about the other survivors. He cares about and is invested in the people who got revived but, generally speaking, holy shit is he invested in the other survivors getting somewhere where they can be happy and okay.
It’s not because they’re all good people (because he’s very aware that they’re not, with the exception of Isabelle, who continues to be a saint) but it’s more that these were the people who were in there with him to the end. That’s important.
I’m going to bring up Ryuunosuke, because Ryuunosuke is the Really Terrible Person he bonded the most with.
Ryoji really fiercely cares about the survivors, for a lot of probably really unhealthy reasons. It’s not that they’re all good people (because they’re not, except for Isabelle, Isabelle is a saint) but they were people who were in there with him.
He cares a lot about the people who got revived too, but all of the survivors are really important to him, especially the
It’s hard for him to rank who’s the most important to him because there’s just the straight-up level of “we all made it through this together and I adore these people because of it”.
And… this is also where some of his more inhuman thought processes start to play in.
Ryoji is a Shadow who loves the world he’s meant to destroy. He loves humanity as a whole: the good, beautiful parts of it along with the bad, despicable things.
Re: himself
Re: Monaka + none butthole jr.
Re: home and Minako
General behavior